RSS Feed Random Comic Add To Favorites The Nazi and the Stoner is proudly hosted by Smack Jeeves Webcomic Hosting.
Q: Why do you put up with a Nazi for a roommate?

A: Well, he pays for the rent, utilities, internet, phone, cable, groceries, gasoline, car repairs, insurance and bar tab. When I need money to score, I tell him my Heritage Foundation Young President's Club membership fee is due and he forks it over. He's starting to wonder why the fee is due every week, so I have to come up with a new strategy.

Q: Oh. Why does he put up with you?

A: He mentioned something about needing a subject for medical experiments he's preparing in the back room. I'm hoping it's about medical marijuana.

Q: But what if-- never mind. Are you guys just roommates?

A: What are you saying?

Q: Are you really good friends?

A: We get on each other's nerves, but friends do that, so I guess so.

Q: But are you really, really good friends?

A: I have no idea what you're asking.

Q: Are you in love?

A: I can't speak for him, but I'm in love with Hawaii Maui Waui.

Q: That's all?

A: I'm also fond of Hindu Kush, New Purple Power and Super Skunk...Oh, I have a girlfriend.

Q: Do you love her?

A: She's the rarest of all species, a girl who likes video games. The depth to which I appreciate her for that, I'd call it love.

Q: Does she love you?

A: I think so. She said I'm a "relatively low-maintenance lay."

Q: What's your politics?

A: I'll take any system that won't arrest me for possessing a plant or make me take a job that makes me want to kill myself.

Q: Your roommate's a fascist, so if you guys are doing this odd couple thing, it makes sense that you'd be a communist.

A: That depends how you define communism. Ideally it's based on mutual support instead of competition, everyone gives according to his or her abilities and takes only according to need, and you're free to do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt others. But we need to grow the hell up and not want more than we need, it's something we have to do voluntarily rather than have it imposed on us. When they attempted it in Russia and China they weren't communist at all, they were dictatorial top-down structures. The Communist and Nazi movements weren't left and right, they were different sides of same coin, a psychological reaction to the industrialization of the 19th and 20th centuries. People became aware of how vast the population is and how insignificant the individual seems by comparison. They could only find identity through absorption into mass movements. Individual rights went straight out the window.

(Long pause)

What are we talking about?

Q: Star Trek. The Borg. Hive mind.

A: Borg Queen's a babe. That part where they lower her head down and attach it to her body? A whole new meaning to "giving head."

Q: Are you stoned now?

A: (Holds out fists) You can arrest me.

Q: Do you think you're wasting your life smoking dope and playing video games?

A: Humans are busy busy little beavers who are destroying the planet with all their great accomplishments. Everyone wants to make their mark and this place is getting so marked up it's turning into one big black spot. We'd all be way better off if more people sat around smoking dope and playing video games. What if Hitler had done that?

Q: But the people who could have stopped Hitler sat around and did nothing.

A: What'd they play back then, Atari or something?

Q: You might be wasting your opportunity to stop a present day Hitler.

A: Who, Bush? He's out of office.

Q: Who do you think your roommate looks and acts like?

A: He told me Charlie Chaplin.

Q: Wake up, man! He wants to create the Fourth Reich!

A: He can't even create a bowl of ramen noodles without lighting his tie on fire.

Q: You have EVIL in your presence. Are you going to sit around and do nothing?

A: What are my options?

Q: (Pulls out gun, hands it to Stoner)

A: What am I supposed to do with this?

Q: Think about it. If you could go back in time and kill Hitler, would you do it? Well, you can do it NOW.

A: Oh my God! I can't handle it! I'm getting a panic attack!!

Q: Ha ha! Chill out, dude! I'm just pulling a head trip on ya!

A: What?!

Q: It's just a squirt gun. See, the label says "Super Soaker."

A: (Blasts interviewer with squirt gun) THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!!